Grandma Passed Away Peacefully

My beloved Grandma passed away peacefully this morning at 5.00 AM. She was healthy as usual yesterday and she got unconscious at about 2.00 AM and a few hours later, she has gone “asleep”.

Click to play the music:

 

(This is the music that I play when I’m writing this, if you play it, you’ll know my feeling when I’m writing)

Letter to Grandma…

“Hi Grandma,

By the time I wrote this, you’re already on your journey to Heaven. As silly as it sounds, I want to tell you not to be anxious if no one’s holding your hand because when you reach Heaven, you’ll be ready. I know you’re used to having someone holding your warm hand.

I always remember how happy you are waiting at the porch for me to pick you up to go out for a walk, lunch or catch a movie. You’ll always bring a sweater along, just in case if you get cold and don’t want that to spoil your outing.

And you’ll wear the black color Croc sandal I bought for you last year. Although it’s tight recently, you still want to wear it because of how much you love it.

I always remember how happy you are when you’re eating your favorite food - that, you like to taste all kinds of food and share it with us. You never eat alone, you always ask me to eat with you.

I always remember how much you like taking pictures - and then if you don’t look good in it, you’ll “complain”. :-)  And you always like to wear bright colors.

I always remember when I drop you back home after a fun day, you’ll say, ‘thank you’ many times to my wife and me because you really appreciate the time we’re together. And you’ll ask softly, “When will I see you again?” and looking forward for another outing even if it’s a month later. God, I miss that moment.

I can remember how happy you are when you hold Marin, my baby girl, in your hand. Your face glitters with happiness, she likes smiling to you too.

I can remember that once in a while, you’ll call me on my cell phone when you miss me too much- that you keep my phone number in your notepad, somewhere stuff in your messy drawer. I wish you’ve called me again last week.

I also know how much you love my wife and baby and they love you too. Sometimes, you forget my wife’s name but you’ll always ask me how is she doing.

Grandma,

Today you look so beautiful and peaceful. I spoke to you, I know you can’t say anything back because you’re looking at me from above smiling - I told you that I will always love you as your grandchild and how much you mean to me. When I touch your hand today in your final bed, it’s cold but I know God has a better place for you now.

Today, I sit on the chair at the porch - the same chair that you always wait for me to come pick you up. When I look out to the road, I know the exact feeling of cheerfulness that you have at that moment of time.

Grandma, I want you to know that I’m not sad that you have to go – I guess I’m just missing the moments with you and talking with you like how we use to chat and laugh, especially since I haven’t seen you for a month now, until today. Today, our ‘outing’ was… a little bit different.

On another side, I’m blessed with my own family right now - Emily, my wife and Marin, my baby girl. Also, Mum and Dad are still here, I’m grateful for that.

Grandma, if you happen to see me crying once in a while from above, please don’t worry :-) - they’re all happy tears because you’re always close to my heart and live in my memory. Any grandson or anyone who miss their love ones in heaven would understand.”

Love,

Your grandson

________________________________________________________

March 17, 2009

Re: I Cried When She Doesn’t Recognize Me Anymore

LATEST UPDATE: Good news! Doctor said that it’s a mild stroke, not Alzheimer that affects her brain – it can be healed if Grandma’s strong. THANK YOU for being part of this ‘healing’. I believe, this might not happen if it wasn’t with your kind prayers.

(There were many grammar mistakes in the sharing below because I wrote this in a hurry last night. I was thinking to edit it today but I’ve decided to leave them as it is to remain who I am.)

It’s just so hard to start writing this because I don’t know where to begin.

I will write as what I heart wants to share, as what I experienced today.

The day, Tuesday 17 March 2009 starts as usual – until my Auntie called me on the phone, telling me that I have to see Grandma quick, something’s very wrong.

You see, if this is the first time you’re reading my blog, you might not get the whole story of my grandma – she’s the women that I love very much, the women who is strong at heart and the women who gave me the unconditional love that I could ever dream of.

I wrote about her 5 years ago – the story of what is meaningful in our life. If you like to read that, click here. Once read, you will understand how I feel today.

I was prepared to accept anything but in truth, I wasn’t prepared for anything.

Uncles, aunties and cousins were all there – at Grandma’s house.

That’s Grandma when she’s 80, 5 years ago – today she’s 85.

I went to see Grandma, smile at her as usual and talk to her but she replied, ‘I couldn’t sleep’.

I thought it was still normal because she always says that to me so that I’ll show my care but then she said, ‘Who are you?’, I don’t know what to think. She is the same Grandma who took me to shopping malls to buy toys when she has no money, bring me to McDonald’s to spoil me when I was a kid, love me unconditionally and the same women that I love with all my heart – couldn’t remember me anymore. Couldn’t even call my name.

At that time, I know I ‘lost’ her.

I look into her eyes, touch her cheek gently and ask her again – “Do you know me?” I can tell she’s trying very hard but she can’t answer me.

I started crying. Tears were coming down but I try to be strong. Grandma didn’t even know why I’m crying but she wipes the tears off my cheek with her hanky and still giving me the same caring Grandma smile – the same one that I always look forward to see when I meet her.

I hold her hand and try to talk to her again – “Grandma, remember last week when you visited me at my house, you told me your birthday is coming next week? That you were all excited about the celebration, that I’ll buy you a gift?”

She was wearing my gift for her birthday last year, the bracelet she wears everyday with happiness and pride – a bracelet that is carved with the design of leaf. I remembered that was the best gift she’s ever gotten from me, she’ll always tell me how much she loves the bracelet and tell all our relatives about it, bragging about it – how much I love her.

Now, she can’t even remember her birthday’s next week.

She says things that are not real like, “I cannot see” when her eyes is still open and seeing things.

She doesn’t remember where the bracelet comes from – she keeps on asking innocently me, “Do you know who put this bracelet on my hand?”

She was all fine a few days ago but I think I’ve lose her to Alzheimer. But I won’t quit even I cannot win – I’ll still be by my Grandma’s side until God thinks it’s time. She’s now in her own world, a happy nor sad world – a world that doesn’t represents anything but time will keeps on going by. I know she likes to eat a lot of stuff, I’ll still take her if she wants, although she couldn’t appreciate it anymore, or even enjoy eating. She is my loving, only Grandma.

This is the latest picture that I have with Grandma in January 2009 when she’s 85.

Yes, her eyes and mouth are slightly disoriented because she was hit with another “illless” last year but her spirit for living in this world is bigger – she strived and was back in the game of life. But this time, I guess, luck wasn’t on our side.

Grandma enjoys taking pictures – she always asks us to take her pictures everytime we can. Now I know why, she enjoys seeing them and keeping the wonderful memory she experienced, the joy and happiness. But now, I don’t think she remembers anything but I’m sure I’ll find a stack of photos she kept in her room one day.

You see, in life, we cannot prevent unwanted things to happen. You sure can do everything but there’s no guarantee it won’t happen. There are people who never smoke in their life before but still get cancer. There are people who exercise, live a healthy diet and yet died of heart attack. There are people like my Grandma – who we showered all of the love we can, give her the best nutrition we can afford, live a healthy diet and pamper her with the things she wants – and yet, ugly shit still creeps into her life.

But what you can do is cherish what you have, TODAY.

Do you cherish every moment in your life and your love ones, starting from the time you wake up in the morning?

Do you do give the best you can, EVERY DAY so that you can look back say, “I’ve done all I can”.

And finally, did you touch someone’s life today so that you won’t regret anything missing?

From today’s onwards, I make a vow that I’ll make AT LEAST a person happy so that I will look back and say, ‘I have contribute to create happiness today and someone is smiling’.

Last but not least – do you say prayers? If you don’t, that’s okay but if you do – I have a big favor to ask from you and I hope you’ll do this for me because you once have a Grandma too. Would you please say your prayer tonight before you go to sleep, that you’ll wish Grandma will be okay soon? That’s all I ask for.

- Patric
*A grandson who misses his Grandma very much*

This entire sharing is 100% true experience – exactly what happened to me today. It’s written so that I get the chance to tell the world how much she means to it. It is also, as a reminder to everyone who reads it that, life is short. Make full use of it especially making yourself and your love ones happy – be it your Mum, Dad, son, daughter, wife, husband, Grandpa, Grandma and so on. Don’t forget that age pass by very fast so don’t make the mistake of chasing wealth but end up spending it alone. Feel free to share what you read with anyone who you think would appreciate what you read today. – www.whenwealthmeansnothing.com